Oblivion and the Stupidity of Its Results
by the pawn shoppe heart
Summary: AU, written pre HPB. Voldemort's dead, and the Order staff party is on! Rating for foul language, suggestivenss, and sheer stupidity. Cowritten, see author's note.
1. The Partay of the Year

**Oblivion and the Stupidity of Its Results**

**Chapter 1:** The Partay of the Year

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the brainchild that is the Harry Potter universe, or the characters in it. If I did, do you really think I'd be writing fanfiction? I'm simply borrowing them from JKR, and promise to return them freshly cleaned and Obliviated.

**A/N:** This was originally started in May between my friend Cassie (who doesn't have an account) and myself. It's completely pre-HBP, AU (as we decided to throw Sirius into the mix), and ridiculous. The original file has been edited and cut into chapters for your enjoyment, and will be continued by me, as Cassie lost interest after they started cross dressing.

And yes, I know I really shouldn't be posting a new story when I've so much to do with AFN (I haven't updated since, what, May? Ouch.), but this has been itching at me since abovementioned co-author said I could post this. And it's already four chapters along, so what the hell? Enjoy!

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Voldemort was dead. Hermione was still trying to absorb it as she detachedly played a wizarding combination of truth or dare and spin the bottle with other Order members at Grimmauld Place's victory party. She also found herself utterly sloshed- hell, everyone was. Snape and McGonagall were playing, for Merlin's sake! Sirius had just spun the firewhisky bottle and it landed on Remus. The gaunt man smiled wickedly at his fellow marauder. Remus, who wasn't quite as inebriated as everyone else, looked nervous.

"Okay, Moony," Sirius said, hardly slurring at all, "you have to..." he thought for a moment, and then his face lit up evilly.

"You have to kiss Minerva!"

Harry and Ron, sitting next to Hermione and guzzling something noxious smelling, laughed loudly as their former professors both turned beet red.

Remus gulped and started to stutter. "You're not serious, Sirius." Then he lowered his voice and said so only Sirius could hear, "Give me the strong stuff. I'll need it in order to kiss my old teacher."

Sirius chuckled and pulled a large bottle from his coat pocket. It was a tall, clear, glass bottle filled with a happily bubbling liquid that was either gold, blue, magenta, or a combination of the three. A label clearly read in large, gothic print 'The Strong Stuff'.

Remus looked at it skeptically, swished it around a bit, and when Minerva wasn't looking, took a huge swig that emptied a third the bottle. Sirius returned the bottle to his pocket. But he didn't notice when the bottle disappeared from his coat several seconds later...

A bright light flicked behind Remus' eyes. The former professor, who was now very much pissed, got to his feet and cried, "Minerva, DARLING!" He collapsed onto the cold, thin lips of the Gryffindor Head. Only problem was that The Strong Stuff had blurred his vision, or so he claimed later, and whom he thought was Minerva turned out to be none other than Severus.

Even with the amount of liquor he had imbibed, Snape had noticed when Black's bottle of liquor (if you could even call it that) had disappeared into the giggling hands of the infinitely annoying Weasley twins. Honestly, he was surprised the idiotic pair was even managing to sit up at this point, let alone cast an _Accio_ variation. When he looked back to Black and Lupin, who had been struggling to get up from his seat on the worn carpet, he became faintly wary, the alcohol dulling his normally sharp senses. When Lupin looked at him and cried "Minerva, DARLING!" Severus decided it would be best to get away now.

He didn't have time to finish the thought before the werewolf was upon him, pinning him to the floor and smelling of booze, kissing him sloppily. Severus dislodged him quickly and kicked the tittering man back towards his convict friend. Wiping his mouth, he snarled at Lupin, who was still looking slightly dazed, even as Black helped him to a sitting position.

"You will never touch me again, you pathetic excuse for a man. Using drunkenness as a pretext for forcing yourself on innocents. Disgusting."

Lupin had seemed to realize what he'd done when Minerva, Albus, and Tonks started looking gleeful and the younger Weasleys, Potter, and Granger looking rather nauseated. The nerve of them all.

"Severus?" he slurred slightly. Then it dawned on him.

"Oh, Merlin- Severus! I'm so sorry! I-"

Black laughed out loud with a slightly sick look on his face, cutting Lupin's apologies off. "Just shut up, Moony. I think that covered the dare well enough. Spin!"

Remus scowled. He picked up the bottle used for the game and stared at it. He stared at it for a rather long time, as he was still incredibly drunk and got completely lost in thought. After a couple of minutes, he realized that he should probably come back to earth before Sirius killed him (which he was obviously threatening to do). He put the bottle down and spun.

But the bottle never seemed to stop spinning. Or was that Lupin's head? He suddenly got very light-headed and after a dizzying moment, passed out. His face smacked right into the bottle, which was cheaply made, and glass went everywhere. At about the same moment, both of the Weasley twins screeched and their eyes rolled to the back of their heads. They both collapsed to the floor followed in quick succession by Hermione, who had a bottle in her loose grasp.

Everyone in the Black House screamed. They were all drunk, so of course none of them would be capable of acting calmly in said situation. Except for one, the designated broom flyer for the night, Dumbledore.

"Quiet!" he bellowed louder than anyone thought such an old man could. The house went completely silent. "Everyone just relax." He walked over to the bodies of the young adults. All of them were out cold and had a trickle of blood trailing from their mouths. But they were breathing. Then he moved over to examine Lupin, who had similar symptoms, the only difference being was that his face was cut up by the shattered glass.

Dumbledore returned to Hermione's body and retrieved the bottle from her hand. A label clearly read in large, gothic print, "The Strong Stuff". The bottle was completely empty save for a few small drops. "I think we have an enemy in this house," he murmured to himself, squinting at the poisoned liquid.

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A/N: What'd you think? Go down and press that little purple button, you know you want to! I'll give you cookies! 


	2. Potions and Questions

**Chapter 2: **Potions and Questions

**Disclaimer:** See chapter one.

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Sirius was the most aghast of the group- the bottle had been perfectly fine when he'd pulled it out for Harry, Ron, and Hermione's graduation a month ago, and hadn't been pulled out until now. And everyone was going to think he'd done it! Why would he do something like that to the people he loved the most?

As these thoughts ran through the dog's head, Dumbledore carefully sniffed the remaining contents of the bottle and cringed. The odour had a bitter tang to it; his and the many years since he'd been an active alchemist gave him a disadvantage in identifying the ingredients. Good thing Severus always had spare potions. Dumbledore pulled a Sobering Potion out of his robes and made his Potions master drink it. Severus returned from semi-awareness sputtering at the Sobering Potion's foul taste.

He glared at Dumbledore. "You know, there are ways to make that taste better."

Dumbledore just gave the younger man a tiny smile. "I'm not the one who made it, Severus."

At that rather sadistic comment, Snape shut his mouth and took the almost empty bottle from Dumbledore's hands. He sniffed at it and grimaced.

The Potions master stepped back and examined the liquid through the bottle, adopting his lecture tone as he spoke. "Aconite in an infusion of wormwood- they'll be out for a while, Lupin in particular. Billywig stings, scurvy-grass, and a touch of belladonna- they'll be unbalanced when they wake up, but nothing fatal. Apparently whoever did this didn't want to kill anyone. And the shimmer is evidence of-" Snape's face contorted, as if in disbelief, "-ashwinder eggs? You've got to be kidding me."

Snape dubiously looked at Dumbledore, who was trying not to chuckle, even though Tonks and Potter (who had needed a bit of knowledge to pass his Potions NEWT) were already on the floor laughing drunkenly. The rest of the group just seemed confused, as Snape looked down from where he stood. He spoke softly, anger boiling.

"We have been played fool with something a fourth-year could have mixed!"

_So, as it turned out, the potion temporarily made Lupin fall madly in love me. Hence the little snogging session. But, realizing what he was doing and in front of so many people, he claimed it was his drunken - blurred vision that caused said incident. Then he passed out. Due to his age, when he awakes, he should be back to normal. _

_The potion knocked the younger ones out more quickly because it affects youth more rapidly. We are still unaware of who the three have fallen in love with. Yet, since they are young, we will know when they awake for they're actions will be similar to those of Remus._

Snape was aware of all of this, yet he said nothing of the sort to Dumbledore. He simply remained silent and stared at the broken glass, thinking. What if he where the first to be seen by the awakening girl?

At the top of the staircase, a recently-turned eighteen year old girl was watching the incident with interest. That definitely had not been her intention when she concocted the potion. She had simply hoped a certain messy haired boy would get drunk, find it in his godfather's pocket, take the advantage of more free alcohol, and see her smiling face when he awoke. She knew it was a long shot for that to happen, but it was worth a try. What else could she do? For seven years, she sat on the sideline watching her love live an exciting life with his two best friends. She tried to make him notice her, she tried talking to him, and she tried hanging out with him. But she was always pushed away from him because her dearest brother thought she wasn't worthy of hanging out with his friends, especially Harry. So, why not attempt to give him a love potion? But of course it didn't work. Things never seemed to for her. Ginny Weasley sighed and slumped on the topmost stair.

As Ginny contemplated the nuances of her estranged love life, the three young adults downstairs were beginning to come to. Fred stirred first, groaning, but not opening his eyes. Everyone, Snape in particular, looked to him warily. But, unlike Snape, who knew what was going to happen, the younger members of the party came in closer to the twin to make sure he was alright.

Being the way it was, with Murphy's Law coming into play, Fred opened his eyes to gaze upon the slightly distant face of one Luna Lovegood, who had been sitting between Fred and Ron (being Ron's current love interest) during the game. Since no one but Snape currently knew the full effects of the potion, they were all rather bemused when Fred sat up immediately, eyes misting as he stared at the blonde girl for an indiscriminate length of time.

This behavior had Ronald reddening after several minutes, even after everyone had calmed down at the lack of immediate danger and started talking amongst themselves. Snape was smirking to himself as he watched the three covertly, knowing of the younger Weasley's jealous streak from recurring tirades by Miss Granger, who had been working with him towards the Dark Lord's downfall not a month ago.

It was during this mindless chatter that Ginny Weasley emerged onto the scene, seating herself between Harry and Tonks and asking what was going on. At the red head's appearance, Fred seemed to 'snap out of it', so to speak, and became eager to return to the game.

"Well," he said, rubbing his hands together, "let's get started!"

"But Fred," Harry pointed out, "George, Hermione, and Remus are still out cold, and we no longer have a bottle."

"Of course we do!" chuckled Dumbledore, who was as sadistically eager to see this out as Snape was, "Severus, if you would be so kind as to hand me that bottle..." Dumbledore easily _Evanesco'_d the remaining glass shards (as well as the small ones in Lupin's head, which was quickly healing) and placed the bottle reading 'The Strong Stuff' in the center of the now rather oblong circle. The old wizard even sat down, bringing Snape with him.

"And since our friend Remus is unable to, I'll spin for him!"

Snape very nearly groaned out loud.


	3. A Lap Dance?

**Chapter 3:** A Lap Dance!

**Disclaimer: **See chapter one.

**A/N:** Well, this one's a lot longer. Whoo. REVIEW! I'LL GIVE YOU MORE COOKIES!

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"Alrighty then!" Dumbledore seemed oddly excited. After everyone who was still conscious had formed a circle, Dumbledore exclaimed, "Here goes nothing!"

He spun the bottle and everyone watched it as it landed on a very unhappy Tonks. "Okay then, Miss Tonks! When Remus comes to, you must give him a nice big smooch!"

Tonks looked taken aback by the Headmaster's choice of words, but relaxed as she heard Ginny giggling next to her. She smiled at the girl and said, nonchalantly, "Righto."

Dumbledore accepted that answer and handed the bottle along to Fred. Fred shakily took the bottle, thinking _God please be Luna, please, just this once God_. The first spin was rather clumsy, ending up smacking Tonks' knee. After much apologizing, he tried again. _Calm down now, calm down._ He spun. Everyone watched as the bottle slowed down and eventually rested on Luna. _HOT DAWG_! She was still staring off into space dreamily.

So while Fred and Luna were snogging in the corner, Harry noticed that George was beginning to stir. He leaned over him to make sure he was okay right as George's eyes cracked open. "Harry?" he mumbled softly.

Two simple little words entered Ginny's mind. _Oh. Shit._

Ginny watched worriedly as George sat up, almost bumping into Harry's head in his haste. The elder Weasley was breathing quickly, and watching Harry's now smiling expression with an odd glint in his eye. Ginny put her head in her hands and sighed. This was going to be a long night.

Surprisingly enough, no one had yet noticed Ron's angry countenance as he watched his brother and girlfriend grope each other in the drawing room corner. It was only a dare, but they didn't have to go that far! And why did Fred give Luna such an obvious dare anyway? It was almost as if... Ron didn't want to think about it. What he did do was stomp over to the pair's corner, now garnering everyone's attention, and yanking the two apart. He helped Luna to her feet, and then Fred.

"That's good enough, I think." he said, glaring at his brother and uncomfortably aware of his blazing ears.

After the three had sat down in their previous spots and Ron's face had started to return to its normal coloring, Fred attempted to hand the bottle to George. The main problem was that George was too busy whispering something to Harry, who was still crouched in the spot behind Fred he had gone to when he saw George stir and turning a bright pink. So, to rectify the problem (and hopefully impress Luna) he whacked George in the stomach with the bottle, effectively knocking the wind out of him and regaining his brother's attention.

"Oof! What'd you do that for? Bloody wanker..." George mumbled as he used his eyes to follow Harry back to his original seat.

Fred interrupted him happily, "It's your turn to spin, since we skipped you when you were passed out!"

George grumbled some more as he spun the bottle, still watching the Boy Who Lived from the corner of his eye. The bottle landed on Ginny.

Ginny winced, another _oh, shit_ passing through her mind in capital letters. George's grin was feral. He seemed to contemplate his dare thoughtfully, even ignoring his new found 'love' for the moment. He whispered something to Fred, who looked surprised for a moment before looking to his sister and smiling malevolently. Now Ginny was really worried.

At his twin's apparent consent, George leaned back on his hands, that grin open on his face. He flicked his wand at a phonograph on the sideboard, which started playing cheesy movie music, and said the worst turn of phrase she would ever hear directed at her.

"You have to give Professor Snape a lap dance."

Snape snapped to attention and snarled. "That's completely inappropriate!" He hissed, eyes narrowed in dislike at both of the twins.

"She's of age, Severus." Dumbledore said quietly. McGonagall looked murderous, but remained silent at Dumbledore's words.

George smiled. "Yeah, and if you or she refuses, I have the authority to do whatever I bloody well please to you. Which, in Ginny's case, would be I lock her in her room for three months with nothing to eat but chicken livers and in your case, with a swish of my wand, you'd be naked running through the house screaming, 'My banana's on fire!'".

Snape looked murderous, muttering inaudibly.

"Those are the rules, like 'em or not!" Fred and George smiled.

Snape scowled and hung his head in his hands. It seemed he had given up. Ginny was scared shitless. But the idea of getting locked in her room with the livers _again _was worse. She couldn't believe they were doing this to her. What had happened to brotherly _protectiveness!_

She hesitantly rose and walked over to her professor. She gave a twenty second long lap dance and immediately leapt up saying, "Okay, I did it." The look on Snape's face was enough to curdle milk.

Fred and George looked amused. "Er, no, that wasn't long enough!"

"You never implied how long it had to be!"

"Well it was kind of obvious-"

"NO! It wasn't obvious you-"

"Don't interrupt me!"

"Don't interrupt ME!"

While the three siblings continued arguing, Snape noticed that Hermione and Remus were waking up. He crawled over to Hermione's side as Sirius helped Remus up.

Hermione opened her eyes, not knowing what happened. She found herself staring into the cold eyes of a face she'd known for quite a while. "Professor?" She managed.

"Miss Granger," Snape sneered.

Hermione sat up slowly and blinked. Snape leaned back at her apparent health and regarded the girl seriously.

"What happened?" she asked, rubbing her head. Snape was momentarily surprised by her lack of reaction to the potion (and, even though he denied it, a touch put out), and hesitated a moment before sliding his sneer firmly in place.

"You simply ingested a harmless potion and passed out. I suggest that you be more careful in your choice of beverage next time, Miss Granger." he said silkily, putting emphasis on the veiled insult.

Hermione looked down at her hands, chastised. "Oh."

As Snape returned to his seat, Hermione chased her gaze around the circle, noting the odd looks that George was giving Harry and Fred to Luna in between the row both were having with Ginny, who hadn't been there a moment ago.

She nudged Harry and asked, "What'd I miss?"

A blush diffused across Harry's cheeks and he muttered, "You don't want to know."

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY AN AMO-"

"WELL, IT WAS MY DARE, AND I CAN STILL HEX YOU FOR NOT COMPLETING IT-"

"CODSWALLOP! I DID ENOUGH, AND IF YOU STILL THINK OTHERWISE, I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THIS TO MUM!"

Everyone was silent- if Mrs. Weasley found out about this, there would be no escaping her wrath.

"Okay, okay!" said George placatingly, "You win! Now, Looney- I mean, Luna," the redhead corrected himself at his brothers' glares, "it's your turn to spin!"

Luna looked to George from the blank spot of wall she had been contemplating and took the bottle.

"No, wait! Wait a moment!" Dumbledore gestured wildly for attention. "Miss Tonks still has to do her dare!"

Tonks glared at Dumbledore and sighed. "Fine," she said, and leaned over Sirius to plant a chaste kiss on Remus' lips. When she quickly pulled back, Remus looked at Dumbledore confusedly.

"It was my dare to kiss you, mate."

"Oh." Remus spoke quietly, almost to himself. He glanced nervously to Sirius, who seemed indifferent.

"Miss Lovegood, you may spin now." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

Luna didn't seem to hear. She was staring at her fingernail.

"Luna. Luna! MISS LOVEGOOD!" Everyone jumped except Luna, who looked up calmly. "It is your spin."

"Right..." She put the bottle down and spun. The bottle slowly halted, tip pointed at Hermione. Luna's face had no expression. Then she started to look dreamy and her eyes drifted to the ceiling. She was silent for quite a while- until Ginny came up behind her and whapped the back of her head.

"Wake up Luna; we're playing a game here. What's the dare?" Ron looked perturbed by his sister's casual treatment of Luna.

"Oh, sorry. Hermione, kiss Harry."

"Well, that's a lame dare..."

Ginny looked nervous and tried to make Luna change her dare to something more, well, daring, but Luna was already off in dreamland and if Ginny hit her again, Ron would murder her. So she just bit her lip as Hermione leaned over to Harry. They kissed sweetly and chastely, much like siblings would.

Ginny let out her breath.

George looked upset.

Luna was staring off into space.

Fred was staring at Luna.

Ron was scowling at Fred.

Hermione blushed lightly.

Harry looked indifferent.

Dumbledore smiled at the two.

Snape sneered (no surprise there).

Sirius let out a sarcastic, "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW,"

The other Professors were smiling for no reason in particular.

Tonks, who wasn't listening to anything really, was changing her hair color from black to pink to green to black to pink to green…

Hermione reached for the bottle saying, "Well, I guess it's my turn!"

She spun. And it landed on none other than a scowling Professor Severus Snape.

Hermione blushed again and looked at the ceiling embarrassedly. What kind of dare was she supposed to give the surly man? Hermione spent several minutes racking her brains for something suitable, outright ignoring Harry and Ron's less than noble suggestions. At one filthy notion by Ronald, which involved singing an obscene schoolyard song while dancing the can-can, Hermione decided that she would make him do something so that they would see him in a better light.

After she decided that, it didn't take long to decide. She looked her former professor straight in the eye, her features showing determination.

"You have to play the piano concerto- the one that I first heard you perform."

There was silence. Most people didn't know he played piano- she was one of the few who did. Snape was surprised greatly for the third time that evening, but covered it with an oily smirk.

"The only problem, Miss Granger, is that the noble House of Black does not have a piano."

Dumbledore, who had been twinkling lewdly since the bottle had landed on Snape, beamed.

"I can fix that for you, Severus!" And, motioning for the room's occupants to clear away, he did.

Using a muttered incantation and drawing in the air with his wand, Dumbledore conjured a full-scale concert grand piano in the middle of the Black drawing room. There was little space left, but the game's participants managed to crowd around it, a myriad of emotions flickering throughout the group. The face, though, that stood out to Snape the most was the triumphant gaze of his one-time student and coworker. He sneered, and reluctantly sat down at the piano bench.

Not trusting Dumbledore as far as he could throw him, Snape played some experimental scales before being satisfied. He resolutely ignored the people breathing down his back, closed his eyes, and began to play.


	4. It’s MUZAK TIME!

**Chapter 4: **It's MUZAK TIME!

**Disclaimer:** See chapter 1. And I don't own 'Baby Got Back', either.

**A/N: **Sorry about the terrible wait. School will do that to a person. But now, I present another long-ish chapter! This may be the end of them though, folks, as this is where the original left off. I'm all alone from here! And just a warning, there is a TON of insanity in this chapter. Bunny suits and cross dressing ahoy. And another note: all pop culture references credit to Cass, my lovely co-author up to here. I live under a rock.

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Snape was slightly nervous at the silence that greeted his first chord. It seemednot only everyonein the house, but the house _itself_was listening now. But he eventually put the feeling aside and played on, despite the eyes boring into him from all sides. The vivace was very impressive; the quick tempo well marked by light staccato and a soaring melody. 

By the time he got to the second movement, the andante, he was completely consumed by the music. He didn't realize anyone was there but himself and the piano. The countermelodies and harmonies wove in and out of each other, like unruly curls or a labyrinth of snakes. His mother had insisted he play a respectable instrument as a child, before she had died. Severus had begun learning at a young age, and his quiet passion for music had never wavered.

Hermione watched his fingers with amazement. She always had a love for music, but had never had the chance to learn to play. She loved to sing soprano when she was alone, but beyond that there had never been time for something as trivial (as her father put it) as learning an instrument. Ignoring her father's sentiments, she had gone on her own to study all she could about music without actually picking up something to play.

She had learned so much about concertos in her studies and had immediately fallen in love with them. Once, in 6th year when she was patrolling the halls, she was thankful to have heard the sound of an unfamiliar one drifting up from the dungeons. She snuck down to listen, and found the Potions master instead. She was shocked to see that he played and he was shocked to see her interested. Since then, Hermione had had a greater respect for Snape than ever.

As he moved on to the final movement, the lively and upbeat allegro, Hermione watched his face, so concentrated and serious. She wondered if she could make a smile break that stiff countenance…

She was awakened from her trance as Snape hit the final chord and the entire house erupted into applause. He stood up and bowed, seriousness never leaving his expression. Hermione smiled appreciatively and wished she could do that.

After several comments from music loving adultsoccupying the house, the group managed to get back to the game, andthe piano was shrunken and stowed in Dumbledore's pocket. It was Harry's turn to spin. He took the bottle and spun it carefully, concentrating on it as it revolved more and more slowly, finally landing on Professor McGonagall. Hermione and the most of the group covered up snorts. McGonagall, for all the liquor she had imbibed, looked the epitome of Gryffindor pride, sitting up straight and waiting for her dare.

"Er..." Harry looked dumbfounded. Hermione silently pitied him- it would probably have been easier for him to give Snape a dare than his old Head of House.

The former Head Girl jumped slightly when Ron nudged her and grinned. She sighed and leaned in conspiratorially as he whispered into her ear. At the idea, she gave him a chiding look that was quite offset by her shaking shoulders. It couldn't hurt, could it? They weren't students anymore, and Sirius had always given stupid dares- it was just retribution. Ron leaned back again and nodded towards Harry. Naturally, Hermione complied. She whispered the idea to Harry, whose green eyes glanced nervously to his former professor and then his godfather, but sat up and spoke all the same.

"You have to-" his voiced faltered a bit, but regained strength, "-dance the tango with Sirius while singing two rounds of 'I'm A Little Puffskein'."

Stifled giggling traveled through the group as McGonagall put her head in her hands. "Alright, alright," she mumbled in a thick Scottish brogue, "let's get it over with."

Sirius stood, smiling widely, and bowed dramatically before helping McGonagall to her feet. "May I have this dance?"

Sirius swept the Gryffindor Head of House into the middle of the circle where they mock-tangoed as the older woman sang slightly drunkenly,

_"I'm a little puffskein  
__Round and soft,  
__I love to play and be thrown aloft.  
__If I'm very hungry  
__Don't you fret,  
__I'll eat your bogies even if their wet!"_

Raucous laughter filled the room as the pair sashayed into the second round, Harry grinning widely at Ron and Hermione as he expressed gratitude around his rare merriment.

As the noise finally died down, many of the room's occupants wiping tears from their eyes, Harry passed the bottle to Ginny, inadvertently brushing her fingertips in the process. She fervently hoped that he hadn't noticed the slight shiver that had run down her spine at the contact. It was bad enough he didn't notice her. It would be worse if he found out she still liked him without returning the sentiments.

So she smiled at her brother's best friend and laid the bottle in the middle of the circle like the others before her and spun.

The bottle zoomed about for a bit before it landed on Dumbledore. Ginny, still being in school herself, burst out into a fit of laughter at the thought of daring her headmaster. What the sodding hell could she actually say?

Harry, realizing her uncomfortable confusion, leaned over and whispered a hint into her ear.

Ginny, realizing Harry's mouth was just centimeters from her ear, turned slightly pink. And after Harry's suggestion, she blushed scarlet. Another burst of laughter followed and she threw up her hands to cover her red face.

Harry, in spite of himself, chuckled at her reaction. _She kind of has a sexy laugh... Wait, did I just think that? Oops, _Harry thought_, now Ginny's not the only one red in the face. Ugh, that's my best friend's sister. I'm supposed to attack the guys attracted to her_ (a deal Ron and Harry had made early in their relationship), _not be one of them! That's just not right. _Harry quickly dismissed the thought from his mind.

Ginny, who had finally gotten a hold of herself, announced the dare, "You have to rap 'Baby Got Back' in a bunny suit."

The fewin the circle familiar with the song, including Dumbledore, collapsed in fits of laughter.

The Headmaster, still chuckling, stood up and zapped a white bunny suit onto himself. Clearing his throat, he began.

_"I like big butts and I cannot lie,  
__And you other brothas can't deny,  
__That when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist  
__And a round thing in your face  
__You get SPRUNG! Wanna pull out your tongue  
__'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed.'  
__Deep in the jeans she's wearing,  
__I'm hooked and I can't stop staring!  
__Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha  
__And take your picture.  
__My homeboys tried to warn me  
__But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny!"_

Through tears of laughter, Hermione saw Dumbledore doing a few provocative motions. This was the funniest thing she's ever seen!

_"And I'm down to get the friction on.  
__Ladies! (All the females in the room: Yeah?) Ladies! (Yeah?)  
__If you wanna roll in my Mercedes Yeah  
__Then turn around, stick it out,  
__Even white boys got to shout,  
__Baby got back!"_

Dumbledore was thoroughly enjoying himself.

_"My anaconda don't want none  
__Unless you got buns hun!"_

Snape was utterly disgusted with Albus' actions. And how did he know the words to this song anyway?

_"So ladies, if the butt is round,  
__And you want a triple X throw down,  
__Dial 1-900-DUMBLEDORE  
__And kick them nasty thoughts,  
__Baby got back!"_

Dumbledore bowed and sat down again amid gales of laughter, still wearing the bunny suit. No one mentioned this, of course, because how often did one get to see Albus Dumbledore in a bunny suit? As the noise slowly quieted, Ginny handed the bottle to Tonks, who easily set it spinning.

The bottle slowed to a stop, landing in between the Weasley twins. As the rules went, Tonks eagerly reminded them, this meant that each participant had to be involved. They both balked at the predatory look on her face.

"I don't remember that being part of the rules! It's closer to Fred, anyway!" George whined.

"Is not! It's closer to you!" Fred said quickly, tipping the bottle with his foot.

"Boys, boys," Dumbledore interrupted, his bunny ears waving wildly, "You know the rules. Miss Tonks does get to dare both of you.

Tonks smiled, her hair changing from bubblegum pink to a deep red shade. She pulled out her wand and indicated for the pair to stand up, doing so herself.

Both Fred and George flinched when she flicked her wand at them. After a muttered charm, each twin was clothed in a 19th century gown, complete with heeled shoes and stuffed bodices. Another quick spell, and Fred's hair was long and twisted into an elegant French knot, while George's was pulled back at the crown of his head with curls cascading to the small of his back. Everyone gaped at the transformation.

"You two have to go into muggle London and profess your undying love to the first man you meet. We," the Auror motioned to the rest of the players, "will be watching from under Disillusionment charms."

Everyone was silent. Then Ron and Ginny started laughing. That started everyone else chuckling, while the twins argued adamantly over the validity of the dare.

"That's got to be against the rules!" Fred raged.

"Involving muggles? Are you insane!" George continued.

"It's quite allowed. We never set any limits on the dares, except for anything illegal. You have to do it." Tonks said, tapping her foot and trying not to laugh. "And you two have never had any problem interacting with muggles before."

When both Dumbledore and McGonagall nodded at Tonk's statement through stifled laughter, Fred and George gave up.

"But Merlin, this thing is uncomfortable..." George said, twisting around in his corset.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione laughed aloud at that statement. Dumbledore took an almost-empty liquor bottle from between Harry and Hermione and tapped it with his wand, pronouncing _"Portus_". He held it out to the middle, where almost everyone took a hold of it.

"Severus, Miss Lovegood," he said, looking to the two. Snape scowled and touched a finger to the glass, but Luna made no move towards the group. Ron turned and grabbed Luna's hand, bringing it to the bottle seconds before the group was swirling and jostling through the air.


End file.
